Who You Date Is An Expression of Who You Are

Jeff is honestly not like anyone I have ever dated. Strangely enough, he's a lot like my dad in many ways. I'm so familiar with him. It's as if I've known him all my life. He makes me feel so happy. I want someone who can make me laugh incessantly. Life is way too short to be serious. And I want someone who is willing to go through life with me and laugh our way through it.

How Jeff makes me feel <3

It's actually taken me a long time to write this post, mostly because I've had a lot of trouble trying to eloquently articulate how he makes me feel. I think it also took a bit of an argument between us for me to really solidify my feelings for him. We had a bit of a fight when a guy friend of mine made some moves on me and the argument escalated to the point of us almost breaking up. I cried so much. I don't think I had cried that much in a long time. But during that brief period I was able to think a lot about what I wanted in a relationship and I realized that I don't want anybody else.

I was reading this amazing article written by Mark Manson called Fuck Yes or No and it made me think a lot about my previous relationships. There were a lot of moments where I had hesitated and had never really had a "Fuck Yes" attitude to hanging out with them. But when it comes to Jeff, I'm also super gooshy excited to hang out with him. "The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company." While I'm not entirely sure where he stands on this, I at least know that he does very much enjoy my company. He's just terrible at expressing his feelings. I'm just happy to be around him. We don't even have to be talking or snuggling. Just being around him makes me feel happy and content with life. Sure, I crave the verbal affirmation that he has feelings for me, but it's not

Another thing I started thinking about is applying the "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are" idea to dating. The guys you date can be an expression of who you are. While each guy that I have been dating has been better than the last, I think that I had this pattern of dating guys whose issues reflected my own. I started off being a girl who has serious mommy issues that affected my relationship with my parents. So naturally, I gravitated towards guys who would support my desire to run away from home, but slowly that rebellion faded as I worked through my issues. I had fun but I didn't laugh as much as I used to. Then I started dating someone who helped me respect my parents but I was neglecting myself. So I still was using them as an escape, but I wasn't ready to seriously date someone and think about the rest of my life with them. I had issues I still needed to work out and needed them to be able to help push me to work on me and get through school. So far, Jeff is able to do that for me. I believe Jeff is a reflection of my desire to be better. And I think that it is working. He makes me feel as if I can be anything.  

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Song of the Day: Halo - Branches (Beyonce Cover) 
"I know you're my saving grace...
You're everything I need and more.
Baby I can feel your halo
I pray it won't fade away."