Living in the now

  

So last Saturday I was so excited for life and everything and I was finally feeling like things were going to go well. I had an orientation for my new job, and a meeting with a church to be a part of their music ministry. I got all dressed up and I felt super cute! Even Jeff said I looked really good. I felt like I was finally getting in control of my life. I got on the freeway and was driving toward Westwood, and as I pulled into the library my care made an explodey noise and before I knew it there was steamy smoke coming from under the hood. Thankfully, I'm pretty knowledgeable about car stuff so I wasn't panicking, but I definitely was feeling a bit disappointed. I waited for it to cool down and saw that both the upper and lower hoses for the radiator had busted. And I got coolant all over my pumps. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to make it to the orientation. I sat in my car and had a moment where I felt a bit of despair. Here I was putting extreme effort to better myself and the radiator goes kerplunk.


However, I didn't stay that way for long. I ended up taking a moment to collect myself and realized that it is what it is. There's no use crying about it. I fixed my lipstick, and decided to look up to God and lift it up to him.

One of the biggest things that I've noticed is that my anxiety is often caused by things that I feel out of control about. I came to recognize this during my Friday recovery group. They are a lot of things in life that are completely out of our control, but there are ways that we can productively take that control back.

I accepted the fact that I wasn't going to make it to my orientation or to my meeting. Instead, I decided to look at the situation as it was, and not worry about anything outside of the current situation. I called AAA and made the best out of the situation. Sure, I didn't do what I had planned, but instead ended up having a great conversation with the tow truck guy and got to spend the rest of the day with my doggie. It also turns out the repair is just a matter of getting the right part, so that's a relief for me and my wallet. So, I'm looking on the bright side.

I've worked so hard this semester. I'm not going to let some roadblocks get in the way of my academic success. I'm medicated and motivated! Woooohoooo!
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Song of the Day: In My Mind - Amanda Palmer
"...I'm living in the moment 
And it's funny how I imagined 
That I could win this, win this fight 
But maybe it isn't all that funny 
That I've been fighting all my life 
But maybe I have to think it's funny 
If I wanna live before I die 
And maybe it's funniest of all 
To think I'll die before I actually see 
That I am exactly the person that I want to be."