Jonah and the Whale

I had a pretty serious mental breakdown the other night. I was not myself.

I remembered the story of Jonah and the whale. Jonah was cast into the sea as the cause of the "mighty tempest in the sea." The men who threw Jonah into the sea expected him to die. Instead, he was swallowed by a great fish and remained in its belly for three days and three nights. As a God-fearing man, Jonah felt so far removed from God. He prayed and prayed to be saved. But it is only when his "soul fainted within [him he] remembered the LORD."

"They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy." 

I am an incredibly prideful and stubborn person. And a lot of times this means I make an idol of myself. And in a strange fucked up way, I have made an idol of my depression. I've seen it as a force that is more powerful than God. I've allowed myself to believe that there is no hope for me and that I'm just going to be like this for the rest of my life. I'm stuck as Jonah before he let down his pride and recognized the sovereignty of God. That's why I really like the song "Oceans." I know its supposed to be reminiscent of Peter being called to walk to Christ on the water. However, I think it's just as compatible with Jonah. I know that God has such crazy amazing plans for me. I mean, he hasn't allowed me to kill myself, so I must be reserved for some greater purpose. That idea is honestly very intimidating because I don't really think much of myself. Regardless, I definitely feel as if I'm been sinking and drowning. However, the idea that God's grace "abounds in deepest waters" is an incredible comfort to me. It's what happened to Jonah. In order for him to experience God's love and grace, he needed to be stripped of all his pride. I find great comfort in knowing that I am God's child and he is my father. I derive a great sense of belonging from this. And I think it's that belonging that gives me a sense of greater purpose in my life, as if I was meant to live for something more. Today, I choose to recognize God's sovereignty in my life and understand that things are all in his hands.
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Song of the Day: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) - Hillsong United
"You call me out upon the waters...
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am yours, and you are mine.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters...
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders."